Day 10

This blog is really serving its purpose. I put everything away yesterday, and then today I found two sweaters in unlikely places. I dropped them on my bed to put away later, but when I sat down to write this post I felt like I couldn't start until the sweaters were put away, so I got up and took care of it.

(Again with the Critical Parent: Who CARES?!?! It's just a stupid sweater! What do you want--the medal of honor for cleaning up after yourself? Most people do this without thinking, why do you want credit for catching up from behind? You're below ground level. Talk to me when you do something above and beyond--way above and beyond--what I'd expect a self-sufficient adult to be able to do.)

(Help!)

(Nurturing Parent and Adult Voice: OK, don't be surprised that your Critical Parent still has strong feelings and is intent on voicing them. It's OK, he'll keep getting quieter. In the meantime, let's review: Your sweaters aren't just sweaters; they're clutter and confusion and rebellion and frustration. And now you're paying attention to them and thinking about how you'd like to feel instead and how you can make it happen. You're listening to what the sweaters are telling you and thanking them for calling your attention to an area you'd like to address. Then you're saying, "I don't need you to deliver the message anymore--I got it. I want to take care of myself, and I can."

You've been through a lot of self-blame for the state of your home, and it doesn't serve you. Now you're over a week into a new approach and it's WORKING!!! You are gently shifting a behavior that has created so many messes in the past. You see that you can do it. You ARE doing it. And that's all you need to do, and all you need to be.

You are enough as you are. Everyone is. There's no baseline and no universal yardstick. You don't need to be anything else, and if someone's waiting for something else then that's their problem. It's time for you to stop waiting and simply be.)

Ah. That was nice! I wasn't expecting any of that, so I guess this blog is serving another huge purpose--giving the voices in my head some space to stretch. It's allowing the more objective, kinder selves to counter the criticism and offer me a way out. I'm switching the steps of the dance, as they say, so we have to head in a new direction, which will be a nice change of scenery from the circles in which I've been running.