Day 2

Well, my intention was to start this blog yesterday, but I realized I could either start the blog or keep the commitment that the blog was supposed to keep me accountable for. So I chose to put my clothes away and check off my little chart and accept that I did the best that I could and that that was just fine.

I realize it may seem laughable, or even shameful, that a 36-year-old woman would need a chore chart to encourage her to hang up her clothes at the end of the day. And you know what? A part of me agrees. But that's the critical, judgmental part that I'm trying to quiet down. It's the part that helps me sabotage myself over and over, the part that says, "Are you kidding me? You're a PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER!"

Yeah. That's been a bit of an issue for me.

In spite of all of the work I've done with my amazing clients, and all the powerful shifts I've helped them experience, I have wreaked havoc in my own home and waged war against my piles unsuccessfully for as long as I can remember. Just ask my husband. Or my college roommates. Or call my mother, she'd be happy to tell you.

I know that coming from this place allows my clients to feel safe with me, and that having already made some changes in my own life allows me to guide them with a good deal of conviction, which is incredibly important to me and to my organizing process. But it's not enough.

I want to live in my own beautiful home, with ease and joy and plenty of time to do what I want. I want things to be so effortless to maintain that I won't even remember what the big deal was. And I want to release the energy that's being absorbed by possessions I don't need, responsibilities I don't want, and expectations I don't plan to meet.

I think step one will be letting go of the self-condemnation that follows me everywhere. I know that's going to be an ongoing process, but I have a feeling that coming from a place of joy inside is key to creating a place of joy outside.

So here's my plan: I will choose one habit that I believe lies at the core of my overwhelm and shift it each day for four weeks. That's the 21 consecutive days that it theoretically takes to establish a new habit, plus seven more thrown in for good luck. I will do this for three months and see where that gets me. I will update this blog every day (except on the holidays that will keep me away from the computer) to report on the previous day's activities and any other random thoughts I happen to have.

I will work on both inner and outer levels, and allow this process to be what it is.

I commit to this journey and I believe that it will bring me someplace amazing, though I don't know what it will look like. I'm hoping it has clean floors.