Day 15

Today's mantra is, "Things take time."

As far back as I can remember, I have expected myself to succeed immediately and completely at all times, and if I don't, I know there's something wrong with me/I've failed. There hasn't been room for growth, for a learning curve, for trying things out and working on them, for learning from mistakes or being open to new possibilities.

Come to think of it, until recently I tended to see most things (everything?) in black and white. And I still see a lot of things that way but I'm conscious of it now, and I'm often able to talk myself through my initial reaction and explore the shades of gray.

So one thing that takes time is shifting a habit. Yesterday was a success, though I will say the room wasn't perfect. It was better than my usual travel disarray, but not spic and span clean with completely empty surfaces. Then again, my goal wasn't spic and span, it was to put away each day's clothes, and that got done.

I guess another thing that takes time is believing that this will really make a difference. A part of me is sure it will, and another part thinks it's insignificant. (I suppose we can guess by now whose voice that is. Let's bring in the countering voice, shall we?)

Nurturing parent: Come on, you're doing great. Each step is a significant step, and you are standing in your commitment in such a big way, be proud! This is more than you've ever done before, and I hope you can see this: Just as the clothing pileups had a cumulative negative effect that grew exponentially every day you didn't address them, so too does putting away the clothing have a cumulative positive effect that is far greater than the sum of each individual act.

One more thing that takes time is my willingness/desire to share this experience with others. This blog was meant to keep me accountable and create a structure for my commitment, but it was also meant to open the door for me to take the risk of letting people know that this was what was going on in my life. This part is taking time, and I've decided that that's perfectly fine.

The day I started the blog I only told two people, with whom I'm very close, about it. The next day I told another. And then that was it until yesterday. Yesterday I shared it with a small circle of truly supportive women. It still felt like a risk, but one it was time to take.

I see now that I can choose to take a risk in any area of my life, and that I can support myself in the process by sharing things with the right people at the right time. I can't tell you how many times I tried to share my thoughts and plans with people who, at best, didn't understand, and, at worst, were critical and judgmental. It's a world of difference when the people around you are cheering you on!

I'm not saying I plan to surround myself with "yes" people who never offer a contrary opinion or constructive criticism, I'm just saying that it's my choice who I want to share with, so why not strengthen my foundations with people who are happy to support me?

So if you're reading this blog, I'm going to go ahead and assume you fall into that category, and thank you for being here! And if you're not, that's fine, but I'm hoping that what I share here connects somewhere for you and brings you closer to your own place of joy.