Day 44

I'm laughing because I just looked back at the post from two days ago, which I started by reaffirming my commitment to posting every day, even if it was just a tiny post, because I know how important it is to show up. (If you haven't noticed, that post appeared directly before the one you're reading right now; I didn't manage to post anything yesterday.)

Something interesting happened. Yesterday was a long day, it was Yom Kippur, and we came home late from a break-fast, trying to calm our crying baby. I was in no mood to blog, and I hadn't put my clothes away in two days. So I decided to keep letting myself slide.

I decided to let myself not blog, and not put away my clothes, and just accept that that's how it was going to be for now. I didn't know what that meant for my new-habit process, I didn't know how long it would last, but I just said, OK. And the weirdest thing happened: I immediately starting hanging up my clothes.

I can't explain it. It's like there was no pressure, there were no expectations, no demands. I just did it automatically. It made sense, it wasn't that hard, and there were no emotions (other than surprise) attached to it.

I put away all the clothes I wore yesterday, plus clothing from the previous two days, plus some clean laundry. I don't know if letting myself just "be" was exactly what I needed to do; I don't know what this says about commitment or habits or the importance of pushing myself. I imagine that real-life success is a combination of all of these things, plus the recognition that everything change from day to day.

So I'll keep remembering to be flexible, to trust myself, and know that I really can take care of it whenever I'm ready to.

Day 42

I decided it's more important to keep the commitment of showing up to write than to write something long (or well-thought-out).

So here it is--I let 2 days slide now with putting away my daily clothes, BUT I did 5 loads of laundry & folded everything. It's not all away yet, but other things are taking priority and I'm doing the best I can. I learn something every day, and try to remember that this is a process that will last my whole life.

Wishing everyone a year of peace, both inner and outer, and joy.

Day 41

This was interesting. Today I was talking to someone about my new habits and this blog and she asked me if I was disorganized. I thought for a moment and replied, "I'm not really disorganized, I'm messy."

Huh. I don't think I've ever looked at it that way before. And now I'm trying to figure out what the difference is, and, if there is one, whether it applies to me.

Part of me thinks that they're the same thing, it's just that being "disorganized" is more sophisticated and OK for adults to be, especially professionals and corporate-types, whereas "messy" is looked down upon, kind of disgusting and childish, and is only OK for toddlers and frat boys.

A lot of my life is organized. A lot of my home is organized. We have spots for much of our stuff, we have certain routines in place. But I do have a lot of pileup that seems to come from nowhere--every time I think I've plowed through everything and put it away, there's more.

It's kind of mess + disorganization. If I were even more organized and had easily accessible, logical places for everything and adequate time set aside to actually address things/toss things/put things away, I wouldn't have the mess.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm on day 41 and it's hard to see that I've made any progress. Each day I've been putting clothes away, but last night I didn't. I rationalized a perfectly good reason (late, dark, don't want to wake the baby), and that wouldn't even be so bad if I had put everything away this morning, but I didn't. More perfectly good excuses--exhausted, getting sick, needed sleep, then needed to rush out of the house, then had guests, then cleaned up from lunch...but looking around at how quickly this space become a disaster is SO disheartening.

What's the point of putting all this work in if in ONE DAY it can all be undone?

I know my Adult Voice can come in and explain that it's just logical, it has to be done every day, it's not a one shot deal, and it's nothing to get upset about, it's just a part of life. But I don't WANT to hear the adult voice. I just want to be pissed off.

I should check my posts from about a month ago--I think I'm seriously PMSing too.

I also think there's no way around the fact that I need some more major chunks of time dedicated to bigger overhauls. I'll go back to reading Cindy Glovinsky's book, Making Peace with the Things in Your Life, and maybe carve out dedicated time for this project over the next few months so I can take the bigger steps I want to take.

I fantasize about working with clients who are ready and willing to take that step--to really jump in with time and energy on a consistent basis and get the job done. And then we'd set up systems so they can easily maintain their amazing new spaces. I have a feeling that I'd like to finally acknowledge how important it is for me to give myself this same kind of time and attention, and really commit to the process.

My experience has shown me that it's much harder for me to be objective about my own stuff, so I might need to enlist some support, but I think step one is to put the time into my schedule so I can make space for this to happen.

I know that the more time I give it, the faster it will get done. I would LOVE to have this done. I also know that things happen as you're ready, and maybe I'm feeling good and grateful enough about my present life that it will be easier to make peace with my past and give myself permission to be here now, surrounded by things I love now, and trust that I will always have whatever I need when I need it.

I just reread this post and realized I should really give myself props for preparing in advance for our guests, getting home early enough to set up, doing all the dishes and putting everything away this afternoon instead of leaving it out for days in the hope that someone else would do it. This is pretty major for me, and I'm thrilled to recognize it. Maybe I have made some progress after all.

Day 40

I feel like there's something symbolic about the number 40--days of the flood, days Moses was up on the mountain, and now: days I have stood in my commitment to creating habits that serve me better. No time really to draw any interesting conclusions; just thought I'd point it out.

Will share more soon, need to run, everything's on track, PLUS I spent a huge chunk of time cleaning out my makeup drawer (yes, it is a drawer) and I feel GREAT.

Be well!

Day 39

Quick and dirty: Last night I put away all the clothes I could see, but this morning I found a cardigan buried in a work bag, and a pair of shoes hiding under my desk. I'm thinking of instituting a last-call roundup of all the vagabond clothing that needs to be led home at the end of the night. Though I'm going to have to start my whole routine earlier if tonight is any indication of my late-night trending.

In my quest for a well-balanced life, I let myself relax for THREE HOURS in front of the television. I felt compelled to watch Flash Forward (which was fairly ham-fisted and often laughable, but still somehow hard to resist) and Grey's Anatomy, which I never got into before but I since I saw the season finale I HAD to watch tonight.

Then my husband was so excited about a crossword puzzle he just created (yes, made up, all by himself) he asked me to fill it in, which I did, for 48 minutes. I was really proud of him, and of me for getting it, because those close were NOT easy. (It did help to have him next to me telling me if I got the answer right.)

Anyway, balance, choices, still working on it. I also need a chunk of time to focus on my desk because the "neatening" alone isn't going to hold out much longer. But I'm doing it every night, and every little bit does make a difference.

Day 38

I'm getting messages from every direction to stretch out my vision, expand my thinking to a longer term.

It's what I've been seeing with this work around shifting habits, with changing the way I eat/cleanse, and with developing my business. And today I heard it from my new (and first) financial adviser. After sending her my initial financial information and goals, her first piece of feedback was that we want to expand the way I'm looking at things.

She says my husband and I have been doing a good job taking care of the present, and now it's time to look down the line and start establishing goals and systems to get us there. Of course I had to squash my initial impulse to worry that we wouldn't be able to do it, and I actually didn't manage to squash my impulse to correct her and tell her that I was sure we weren't doing as good a job with the present as she thinks either. Why would I do that?!

Adult Voice/Nurturing Parent: "You're used to seeing the negative. You're used to expecting the worst. You're used to measuring yourself against "perfect" and always coming up short.

"You now have lots of people in your life and lots of systems in place to help you stop, take a breath, evaluate the situation more objectively, and not beat up on yourself. You had a major epiphany today when your financial planner said you were doing fine and have priorities in your life other than becoming a multi-millionaire. It's as if it never occurred to you that it would be OK to have 'enough' and enjoy your life as is. That's a big deal, and it's something to think about, to look at, to let sink in. Imagine not feeling bad, or not feeling like you're not enough--you'd have so much energy for other things! The possibilities are amazing!!"

OK. I'm reminding myself every day that I've given myself this year as a gift, and that part of that gift is to relax and be gentle with myself. I'm still (consciously) putting my clothes away each night, and tidying my desk. This is good for now.

Day 37

I wasn't kidding around (I now know) when I said it just takes time. I spent TWO HOURS putting away laundry and unpacking from the weekend--and I'm not even done yet!

Hello--how do other people do this?! Do I just wash more clothes than the average human being? Is it easier when you have a washing machine in your home, so you do more loads more frequently, and therefore have less to put away at once? I don't get it.

Maybe I should adopt a uniform. I don't know how that would help with the laundry, I guess it wouldn't, but maybe I'd feel like I had less clothing. I'd have fewer options, and maybe even just have seven outfits, one for every day of the week, and wash them all once a week. That's so not going to happen. I'm the kind of person who buys underwear when I don't have time to do laundry. I start wearing things from the "only wear around the house" pile, in public. I convince myself that my Land's End grandma/elastic waistband/airplane-only pants are legitimate professional-wear.

I will tell you this though--I LOVED having time carved out in my calendar specifically for cleaning. It was like I had a job, and that's all I was supposed to focus on during that time, and I had permission to just clean. I didn't check emails or do work or really think about much else. I took one quick break to reserve a spot in a baby music class, but that was the most efficient phone call I made all day, and then I jumped right back into cleaning!

So...there's something to this. And, I imagine, the secret is to do this consistently on a much smaller scale for all of the other things that need to get done regularly. Include time in your schedule to put away clothes, tidy up the desk, make the bed. I think I resist planning like that because I don't want to see that I really don't have time to do everything on my list. But, shockingly, it turns out that even if I don't write it down or plan it out I still don't have time to get it all done, and then I get stressed out, frustrated and disappointed when I have things left undone at the end of the day.

Won't it be nice when I winnow down my activities to things I truly love doing, that truly serve me and create a peaceful, beautiful, joyous home (and life!) for me and my family?

My desk and daily clothes are still humming along, being attended to daily. And I think setting aside bigger chunks of time much more frequently are going to be key to making the bigger changes I'm looking for. I also want to be sure I balance them each day with time with the baby, my husband, myself, and anyone or anything else that is important to me. Life is happening now, not when my house is "finally organized"--as if there is even such an endpoint. Live it every day.

Day 36

Really, it's about TIME. It's hitting me over and over again. Choices and time. And I'm hoping that if I'm willing to put in the time to do things "right" in the beginning, eventually things will get more efficient and run more smoothly and maybe take less time (or maybe stop needing to get done at all).

And if they still take the same amount of time, and if they're still absolutely essential to my functioning as a happy, healthy adult, then I hope I can joyfully make peace with them and create time in my life every day to get them done.

I'm starting tomorrow. (That's not a joke, by the way.) Today Coach Paula had me schedule in an hour once a week for the next four weeks just to clean. I was freaking out a little with the sudden overwhelm, between the six loads of laundry I did right before we left for the weekend that are still waiting to be folded, and my desk that looks like a tornado hit it even though I promise I neatened it up last night, and everything that suddenly needs to get done--I felt like I couldn't think straight in this atmosphere.

I was talking to Paula about being frazzled in all different parts of my life, and when she asked me what I would like to do for my self right now, I didn't hesistate: "Clean up!" And that's where the sacred time came in, that we set aside just for cleaning. I laughed at myself too--I will tell you that in a million years I never thought that cleaning would be something I got excited about.

So I'll let you know how that goes, and in the meantime my daily habits are still up and running. And i'm supposed to be validating myself every day too (which I haven't been, and when Paula asked me if I had I actually lied and said yes!!! And then I immediately retracted and said no, and we both laughed because you could totally tell from my tone of voice that I was lying.). So here's my validation:

Jen, you're so awesome. You set out to keep this blog, and you're keeping it! That's a real commitment, and I'm so proud of you.

Days 34 & 35

I think I'm getting annoyed by how long things take.

All this time I've been embracing the concept that things simply take time, and they even often take less time than you think they will, and since there's no way of getting around it, you might as well relax, give yourself enough time to get the job done, and just do it. BUT sometimes these things take a lot longer than you think they will (or, more problematically, than you think they should), and sometimes you really want to be doing other things instead, or everything at once, and it just doesn't work that way but you really want it to.

I can hear my whiny Brat's voice saying these things, and I kind of don't even want to answer--I don't want to present reasoned arguments against this frustration; I want to wallow in it.

If I weren't going to wallow in it, my Adult Voice would probably say something like this: "It just is what it is. You're personalizing something that shouldn't be personalized. You stayed in a gracious friend's home and of course you want to leave it in great condition, and that takes time. It takes time to gather up all your stuff, change the sheets, wash the dishes--but it's all part of the bargain!

"Next time expect it to take an hour instead of fifteen minutes. Give yourself the gift of setting aside enough time to reasonably get the job done. And of consciously choosing how you're going to spend your time, so you pick the most important things, and have enough time to really experience them!"

As we were rushing from a late lunch to an early dinner today, I told my husband that I was worried about being late and about how frustrated our hosts (my dad and his girlfriend) would be. My husband said laughingly, "Leave earlier! Next time leave earlier--I don't understand why you don't, and then you get upset about running late!"

To me the answer seemed perfectly clear--"But I don't want to leave earlier! I want to stay where I am!"

And that's it in a nutshell. I just want it all. I want to stay late in one place and be at the other place on time. I want to get three 45-minute projects done in an hour. I don't want any negative consequences, I want everything to work out perfectly, and I want everyone to be calm and satisfied at all times.

It's crazy. I know.

Well, it's something to think about for the New Year. I told my husband my next habit might have to be to leave everywhere early. I think it's probably a great idea, and I might start trying it out now once in a while just to see what happens.

In the meantime, my travel-mess was relatively contained, and my clothes got put away (somewhat informally) each night. May this year bring us all health and happiness, and peaceful order in beautiful homes.

Day 33

Desk got cleared up last night. I'll be away from home and from my computer until Sunday night, but I'll find something to tidy up while I'm away...

Best wishes for a happy, healthy, fulfilling and inspiring New Year to all!

Day 32

Man, am I glad I started cleaning up my desk two days ago! My mother-in-law was over today while I was out, and had to pass to through my room to get to the baby's room, and I am so happy my desk was in decent shape.

Not that she would have said anything, and not that she would have even thought anything--she's very nice and understanding (and has good manners and is a therapist). It's just that I would have imagined she was thinking horrible things, and then I would have felt bad. I guess those thoughts would be my critical parent talking (How can she work like this? How can she live like this? It's disgusting! How can she run a business from here? What kind of example is she setting for her son? And look how she's making my son live! Doesn't she have any respect for herself? Why doesn't she just take care of it? Why doesn't she take the time to clean it up once and for all, and to maintain it on a regular basis? Isn't this what she teaches her clients about all the time?)

Phew. And we thought those critical voices had just melted away into nothingness!

I was actually talking to Natalie today about the fact that the voices were so strong when I started my first 30 days, and how they really did seem to vanish. I'm wondering if they show up with each new habit I feel bad about. Well, if that's the case, I think it's best to just let them out, and answer them calmly, rationally, gently, and keep sticking to my commitment.

So here's my Adult Voice and Nurturing Parent answering: Hey--first of all, we didn't get a chance to congratulate you yet on all the great work you've been doing! You got through 30 days of building a new habit that serves you so much better than the old one! Good job!!

Second of all, it is kind of like we're starting from scratch with this new habit, but we think it will go much quicker and more smoothly this time since we've already done this once before. It's easier for you to find our voices in your head, and you're not getting as worked up as you used to about the old voices.

Now for some specific answers: Your desk situation is not ideal, but you have been running a successful business from it for several years. It will most likely be easier and more pleasant (and more productive) to work from a clearer desk, and you'll get there, but it's not black and white--the last several years, and your present business, aren't write-offs because of your desk.

Your desk is this way partly because you've been busy. You're learning to make small changes and take the time you need, little by little, and it is working. Stick with your new habit and things will start to shift. We also think the joy will spread and you will continue to build a more beautiful home that you all love to live in even more. Look how much more you love your home now than when you started a month ago. And, by the way, we think that has a lot more to do with internal shifts and gratitude than it has to do with the clothes being put away.

Clean and organized spaces and good habits are important, but your son receives messages and gifts from you every day that are so much more important to the foundation of his being, and you provide all of these things without even thinking about it: Love, laughter, affection, healthy food, regular naps, friends, Thomas, family, walks, swings and so much more. Your space can get clearer, that's great, but you've already got the most important stuff covered, and you do it all with joy.

You and your husband are working really hard and really well together to make this a better home every day. You continue to learn to live together and support each other, to make your needs clear and find ways to make things work. You just keep doing your best and it will all work out.

You do respect yourself. There are all sorts of reasons why things are the way they are, and, just like with the clothes, we're just going to accept that, and then focus on creating a habit that serves you better. That's it. One day at a time. We already saw that it can be really hard at first, and we also saw that it got easier, almost laughably easy. And then it wasn't so easy, but you kept it up. This is your journey. And it's because you're willing to take this journey that you'll be able to show so many more people that it's possible to create real, lasting change!

Sure you've helped clients accomplish great things, and now you're going way beyond that kind of work and learning how to get to the heart of the matter and use small shifts to change the way your life looks. How lucky for you!! And for anyone else who's struggled with anything like this. You know we're all here to teach that which we're here to learn--good for you for being willing to learn everything you can. We love you.

Day 31 (beginning of phase 2)

I want to share a quote that my husband emailed me last night--it's from an Onion AV Club interview of Ira Kaplan, guitarist of Yo La Tengo:

AVC: When you were a teenager and standing in front of your mirror pretending to be a rock star, who were you pretending to be?

IK: Huh. [Laughs.] You know, by the time I was a teenager, I’m not sure I was doing that. I’m not saying I wasn’t standing in front of a mirror, but by then I may have been foolhardy enough to think I was being myself.

Then my husband added his own thought:

I think it's an interesting way, possibly, to think about how (some) people realize their dreams. There comes a time when we stop fantasizing about being someone else and start picturing ourselves doing the things we dream of doing.

I love this. It captures the way I've been feeling over these past couple of months, and it blows me away to think I'm finally living my own life! Letting myself envision the home I want to live in and the life I want to live, and then choosing to take responsibility for my actions and my habits is the most empowering thing I've ever experienced. And I've flown a plane.

Now, back to business: I felt pretty lame giving that second excuse last night (even though I cleverly disguised it as a "caveat"), so I actually neatened up my desk before I went to bed. I just put a couple of pens away, and consolidated my piles, and I felt better. I felt compelled to stick to my commitment, which is awesome, and I also really wanted a neat desk, which is pretty awesome too.

I'm teetering between feeling like I'm not doing enough and believing that the best I can do is just fine. It's different than with the clothes. You wear some stuff, you put it away, it's done. With the desk, there's so much going on and I haven't had time to get to the bottom of it. I feel like I'm building a new habit on top of an old one (literally), instead of clearing space for a new one to take hold.

But, realistically, it's a bigger job than I have time for right now to plow through everything, so I guess I'll start here: all the loose items I use over the course of the day (pens, PostIts, fake rubber teeth my mom gave my son to play with) will find a home, and the papers will be neatened up if not put away. The bottom line is that I want my desk to be a peaceful haven when I'm done with it and when I come back to it. That's the plan, and I'm looking forward to it all working out!

Day 30 (end of phase 1)

So I'm laughing at myself because after my puffed-up post last night about all the integrity I feel in this process, I was totally about to leave my shoes flopped around all over the place in my closet instead of putting them away where they really belong; I was just so tired, I didn't want to deal with it.

It was only my own words ringing in my head that made me turn around and fix them--I was too embarrassed by the thought of having to admit that my integrity seems to apply only when I have enough energy to use it.

I thought this was a fabulous lesson to learn on the last day of shifting habit #1! It brought me back to reality and reminded me that real life is full of things like being tired, not being in the mood, being cranky/angry/frustrated, and even being to jolly doing other things to get to the task that's supposed to be a priority. I'm happier walking into phase two with my eyes open, not expecting things to be a breeze all the time so that I'm dismayed when something doesn't run smoothly. (This, by the way, is big progress for me.)

I think I'll read through all my posts soon and spend some time reflecting on the last 30 days. I am truly shocked by how quickly they flew by.

And now, my commitment for the next 30 days: (and don't think I didn't spend the afternoon trying to argue my way out of it--I almost had myself convinced that it didn't make sense to start any new habit until after Rosh Hashanah, since I'm going away for the holiday; then I remembered that it's only Tuesday and I have four days before the we leave) I will neaten my desk at the end of each day so that everything I used during the day is put away; anything I'm currently working on is in a neat pile or someplace neat and easily accessible; and my desk is calm, beautiful and organized in the morning.

Two caveats:

1. There is stuff built up that will need to be gone through over a longer period of time, and I'm just going to move it off my desk and get to it as soon as I can. I'm looking at this as more of a daily cleanup, the way I put each day's clothes away but got to my laundry whenever I could.
2. I can't really remember if tomorrow I'm supposed to write about the first day of my new habit or the last day of my old habit, and I wasn't really counting on starting tonight, so I'm starting tomorrow.

I'm also going to continue to actively monitor my clothing habit. I have a feeling these things take longer to establish than I thought. Since this year is all about giving myself plenty of time for everything, I'm thrilled to continue this shift and give it as much time as it needs. Wish me luck!

Day 29(!)

Man, it's late. SO, quickly, I got everything away yesterday except my shoes, which I forgot upstairs, and just decided to leave there. It turned out to be a fortunate move, since my husband called me this morning from outside to help him with the packages and stroller, and I was able to just put them on instead of running downstairs to get shoes.

I promise I won't let that become an excuse to always leave my shoes upstairs, but it did occur to me that I should actually just keep my Crocs upstairs, since I'm always running out for last-minute things and all I usually have upstairs are rain boots. They'll do in a pinch, but they look pretty dumb with my pajamas. Come to think of it, I should probably leave a change of clothes upstairs too.

On another note, more and more signs are pointing me toward this path: Let go of expectations and expand your field of vision. Think long-term and think fluidly. Don't focus on the results you want to see today from the actions you took yesterday; just take actions that feel right, take tiny steps, and don't worry about getting somewhere--just go.

I see how quickly I get derailed when I become immediate-results oriented. I was doing an 11-day cleanse and took body measurements, per the cleanse directions. I could actually feel my clothes fitting better, and was feeling great, but when I took my measurements again and there was little or no change, I was crushed. I felt almost betrayed by the cleanse and all the people who'd gotten great results from it.

Now, mind you, I only waited about three days between measurements, and only took the first set three days into the cleanse instead of at the beginning. So I was dealing with insufficient data (my husband will love that I just used that phrase), and unintentionally (or subconsciously) setting myself up to be disappointed. I made it through the cleanse resentfully, and then took some time to clear my thoughts.

My cleanse coach, Denise, basically told me to let go. She said I'd start getting the results I wanted at the exact moment I stopped trying to get them. It seems that if I can stop fixating on "results" and simply make healthy choices a normal part of my life, then there's no abrupt change, just a shift in how I'm being, which happens to have some side benefits.

It's what I've been seeing with the clothes. When I start treating myself, my space, my belongings and my time with respect, I feel good. The other things that flow from those actions/ways of being are nice, but, I think, beside the point; the real gifts are the integrity I feel and the things that open up before me as I learn to see and feel more clearly.

Day 28

Wow, just two more days. I feel good about this habit, and recognize that in addition my my next habit I also want to try shifting another less-frequently used behavior: Traveling easily.

We're going away this weekend (across town) and then away in two weeks (across the country) (not really, but to Chicago, to visit Natalie) (yay!) and I'd LOVE to have the packing done early, easily, completely and lightly so that we can walk out the door, in both directions, on time and without stress. I'm actually getting excited about this! (It's ok, you can say, "Nerd!")

About 10 years ago I traveled to Israel for two weeks with just my carry on bag, and I was fine! I was just talking to Natalie about this, baffled by how much more stuff I pack now, and trying to figure out why. Here are a few of my theories:

1. It was summer, so my clothes were less bulky. (This makes sense on the surface, but since then I've traveled elsewhere in the summer and even just for a weekend I bring a bag twice as big.)
2. I had just completed an insane diet (evil Diet Center diet, to which I would soon lose my gall bladder in emergency surgery), and I had lost 30 pounds so all my clothes were much smaller. (Really? Could they have been that much smaller?)
   
3. I didn't care at all about wearing the same few things over and over again. Maybe I just liked everything I owned so much better? Or felt cute in it because I felt so little?
   
4. I knew I could do laundry.

I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it--about where my current panic comes from about not having what I need, about being too hot or too cold, about owning the exactly perfect outfit for an occasion but knowing it's sitting useless in my closet and may never have the opportunity to be worn this perfectly again.

It's starting to sound like my objection of not wanting to get rid of anything in case I might need it someday. It also reminds me of the belief that there is a right answer out there, a perfect solution, and that everything would be better and feel better if only all the external elements were in place. As if I could have control over it.

Well, that's a lot of pressure. It's also a great excuse for why things might not be "perfect." They could be perfect if only... Maybe I was just really happy at that time, and the clothes just didn't matter, I knew I would be fine.

I think this is another one of those things I'm going to have to jump into with both feet. Plan it out, create guidelines, do the best I can, and trust that it will all work out. Let it go, expand my vision, keep things in perspective, relax, and let it all unfold easily.

Day 27

I'm having this weird disappointed feeling haunting me today. I think it's a general, full-body feeling that's more related to my internal rhythms than to any part of my life in particular, since I'm feeling it about the cleanse that I'm about to complete, my upcoming schedule, and the fact that I'm almost done with shifting habit #1.

I just got nervous that I'm afraid to shift the habit because what if it was serving a purpose? Then another part of my brain told me not to worry--I have several additional layers of defense lined up, including my desk, my bedroom floor and the dining room table. Excellent.

But it raises the question--why do I let it get this bad?

I'm not going into a full-blown analysis here, but let me reflect for a moment on what I've picked up on so far:

1. I had a lot of reasons that I deemed legitimate for not putting my clothes away (I was too tired; I was too busy doing important things; I shouldn't have to do it; I didn't want to wake up the baby; it would take too long; I'd do it in the morning when I had more time).
2. When I made the commitment to do it anyway, none of those reasons held much water. On the rare occasion that I really was too tired or really would wake up the baby, I was flexible, and put everything away the next day.
3. This means that I can, relatively easily, perform the action of putting my clothes away at the end of the day.
4. If I want to make it even easier for myself, I can make additional small shifts, such as putting things away throughout the day, whenever I change, or give myself more time in the evenings so that I'm not performing the task so late.
5. So, on the one hand, this is simply a habit I was never trained in. Now that I'm training myself in it, and relishing the clean space and good feeling it creates, it should be simple to integrate it into my life, even if I have to stay conscious of it for a while.
6. On the other hand, something makes me feel scared and nauseous when I look at my desk (which, by the way, is the next habit I plan to shift), and it's not the mess or bad feelings it creates that's making me sick. I have some fear of what life will be like when my desk is clean.
7. I don't want to get too psychoanalytical on myself, but what am I trying to avoid? What will happen if my desk is clear, and my dining room table is clear, and I don't have to spend so much time focusing on it (and cleaning it up)?
8. I know there may be something there, something big and ominous, some deep issue I'm trying to ignore. I know there have been big things to deal with in my life, and I haven't always taken the direct route to approaching them and sorting them out. But the truth is, I feel like I've been getting more and more direct, being more honest with myself and more proactive. So maybe it's not that I'm ignoring anything, it's just that I'm dealing with everything one piece at a time, and this habit-shifting process is an active--and integral--part of that.
9. So it's possible that things just come when the time is right. It's possible that for some reason I've lived with this mess for a long time, and I don't have to know why. And for some reason the time came to change it, and I'm changing it, and the changes will happen gradually enough that I'll be comfortable with each shift as it comes. I have always had a tendency to worry about things ridiculously far in advance (like worrying about high school when I was in fourth grade, or worrying about having kids when the longest relationship I'd had was my three-day boyfriend in sleep-away camp). Maybe that is changing too.
   
10. So this time I might just opt to trust that things will work themselves out, that they'll take exactly as much time as they need, and I don't need to worry about a thing.
    

Day 26

All is good. I put everything away last night and am learning to go gently on myself. I'm saying that last part because it feels like all I can see is the mess on my desk, and I want to stay focused on what I've accomplishing instead of what I still have to do.

Another good thing I'm about to do for myself: I'm going to acknowledge that right now I have a lot to get done in a very short amount of time, so I will wish you all a good weekend, and go to it. Another step in the right direction!

Day 25

I had a really happy birthday! I'm actually too tired and too full of the best chocolate hazelnut cake I've ever tasted to think straight right now, so I'll keep it short.

(1) I decided to give myself this year as a gift--a year free from expectations, both internal and external; a year during which I can do what I want to do, say what I want to say, and live how I want to live. I'll figure out what exactly that looks like as I go along by trying things out, playing around, making mistakes, and taking risks. And no one gets to judge me!

(2) I realized that if this 30-day shift really works, I can completely change my life in 12 months by doing just one tiny thing a day! I know there's a little more to it than that, but it blows my mind how quickly (and relatively painlessly) these first 30 days are passing, and I'm amazed by the fact that something that I had so much resistance to has released its negative energy and become routine.

It makes me a little nervous still, so I'm not going to make any grand assumptions yet, but the consistent forward movement has been encouraging. Wouldn't it be amazing if I let myself be for one year? If I got off my own back and relaxed? I guess we'll see... (ps--I got my clothes away last night, and I even hung up all the outfits I tried on and rejected for my birthday dinner this evening. THAT was huge. It's usually like a tornado is ripping through my closet when I'm trying to get dressed for an event, but somehow tonight I managed to get things back onto their hangers instead of dumping them on the floor (or throwing them at the mirror) and now I only have one outfit left to put away! That was a pretty good birthday present too.)

Day 24

I know I joke about it a lot, but I actually think this habit is starting to form. It doesn't piss me off to put my clothes away the way it used to! It seems more like a logical step, something that of course I'm going to do at the end of the day--why wouldn't I? Hmmm. Interesting.

Last night went well, though that's partly because half my clothes were stained and needed to go in the laundry or to the cleaners. I wish I'd remembered that today when I finally went to the cleaners to get my pants hemmed. I was so excited (over a month ago) (Side note: This will henceforth be known as the italics post) to find a great pair of summer pants that fit me everywhere except for the length. I was so excited to wear them that I actually cuffed them under and wore tall shoes to a client, and felt great!

But the cuffs didn't stay put so I decided to hem them. Or, to be accurate, have them hemmed. My mother hems all her own stuff, and I get it--why spend money on a tailor if you can sew? But I'll tell you why: the tailor actually cuts off the extra fabric or at least makes it lie really flat so your cuffs look crisp, not just folded under and safety-pinned. Which I have done, and you can totally see the safety pins glinting in the sunlight, however small you try to make them.

So I bring my stuff to a tailor and count it as part of the cost of buying the pants. I also pretend I can't sew so I don't have to do annoying things at home like fix holes or sew buttons back on. (This may reveal a slight prejudice on my part regarding extra buttons and explain yesterday's directive to toss them all.) The point is, the pants finally made it to the tailor, but I basically missed the season. It's one more little thing that somehow grows overwhelming and impossible to get to in my mind, when really it doesn't take that long to do, and it isn't the biggest deal if it doesn't get done.

Here's another example. I'm all cool now about putting away my clothes (at this moment, anyway), but an hour ago my husband and I almost got into a big fight about cleaning out the refrigerator. It's not that it's such a big job, it's just that I'd rather be doing just about anything else instead. (I feel like I uttered an almost identical sentence about putting clothes away just a few weeks ago.) (Side note: This will henceforth be known as the italics and (parentheses) post.) (And the Side Note: post.) (Is that too long?)

Anyway, we were arguing about when he asked me to clean it out (I said he'd already asked me this morning but he said he asked me yesterday); how many times he asked me (I thought once, he said twice); and the fact that I'd been busy all day doing important things, didn't he see that?! And then suddenly I was taking it to a place where I thought all he could see was what I wasn't doing instead of everything I did.

I was also having an out-of-body-experience while we argued. I knew this wasn't a helpful way to communicate, that we were both right, that we were both getting frustrated and for sure wouldn't resolve anything this way, and I couldn't seem to stop myself!

And then I did. I just stopped. We still had to talk it through, but we did seem to hear each other and we both got what we needed. Most importantly, I got to watch Glee (Best. Show. Ever.) and went through the fridge during the commercials. It hardly took any time of course (especially because I left the empty containers in the sink for my husband to clean. Heh heh.), and it was another way for me to see how much energy and frustration I can throw up around things that (a) don't really take that long, and (b) just need to get done anyway.

So, that's a good lesson for today, and may anyone whose birthday is tomorrow have a fabulous day!

Day 23

I don't know why, but I have a weird thing about odd numbers. It feels like odd-numbered days are harsher days, odd-numbered years are unsettling. I always prefer to turn an even number (out of luck this year, I'll be 37 on Thursday). Holy cow. I've never written that out before. That looks SO much older than 36! It would totally get rounded up to 40!! Though, really, who cares--the numbers seem more meaningless all the time.

Well, now that I ran the gamut of emotion around my age, let's get back to the fact that this is Day 23 of my independent project. Last night there was a minor crisis in the putting away of the the clothes--I woke the baby up on the way to the closet, and he was NOT happy. I felt terrible! He sat up in his crib, crying and looking at me through squinty, tired eyes, not understanding what was going on. And when I took him out to change him (since I had to pretend to myself that it was actually a good thing I went in there since his diaper was looking kind of full) he lay down on the changing table and just sadly said, "Bed."

I put him back in the crib as quickly as possible and scooted right on out of there, leaving my shoes in the middle of the floor and my clothes in my bedroom. I must have put them away earlier today, because they're not out anymore, but to be honest I don't remember doing it. Maybe my new habit really has become subconscious!!

Awesome. In the meantime, my dresser looks great and I love waking up to it. The remaining homeless items are now living temporarily on the bottom shelves of my night table, where they're out of the way until I have time to deal with them. My super-awesome friend Nate, who I just found out is my #1 blog-fan, and I were talking about the dresser leftovers tonight. She suggested putting everything in a box and getting it out of the way, and then looking at it again in 6 months, at which point I'll probably be able to toss most of it easily.

It's not a bad idea--I know that when I work with clients we usually come across at least one shopping bag full of old mail, half-finished projects and miscellaneous stuff that was cleared off some surface and hidden away just as guests were arriving. The hiding-of-the-stuff, of course, tool place several months (or years) before our session, and we were looking at it with fresh, and more objective, eyes. Very often it is easy for them to toss things--bills that have since been paid, coupons that have expired, fliers for events long over, phone numbers of people they don't remember, wires and plastic pieces that have no clear identities, projects they're no longer interested in, and other items that aren't worth the time to sort through and store.

Sometimes there are items they want to keep but still don't know what to do with--photos, gifts they don't exactly like, torn out articles about the five most important foods to buy organic (thanks Nate) and how long makeup lasts before you should toss it. Also: Catalogs with pages folded down or torn out pictures of things they'd like to buy or places they'd like to visit; warranties; kids' drawings; charity mailings; buttons in little envelopes with the designers' names on them; thank you notes that never got sent; used Chapstick; pens; rewards cards from stores they never really go to; receipts; loose change; gift cards; and checks. Once I found a $50,000 check. That was an awesome day.

So that leaves us back where we started, though with a greatly reduced pile. And, again, I think the next step is just setting aside the time to create permanent, logical places for these things to go, with enough room for their cousins to join them when they come to visit. It may also be time to start letting go. I'll make one job easier for you: You will almost surely NEVER use those buttons. Unless it's some fantastically unique button from a fabulous piece of clothing that you love, toss the buttons.

And it is almost as likely that you will never refer back to the magazine articles. The only time you're going to look at them is when you're going through old papers to clear up space in your home. At that point you'll probably say, "Hey, this is a great article! It's such useful information!" and put it in your keep pile. DON'T! Toss the articles; the information is probably outdated and you can find it all online.

Keep the checks.

You can often have them reissued if they're past the deposit date, and you can make a few calls and have certain dividend checks become direct deposit checks so you can skip this step in the future.

Anyway, taking time to make permanent homes + releasing things to the universe + maintenance = clearer space + (eventually) more time to do the things that are really important to you. Actually, scratch that last part. Start doing the important things now. Sprinkle them in each day while you're going through the backlog and you'll be living a more rewarding life starting right away.

Day 22

It just takes time. Well, not just time, but time is a key factor and I don't think there's any way around it.

I spent this last official day of summer doing a lot of cleaning. Wait, let me back up. I started the day gloriously late because the baby slept at my mom's. I can never thank her enough for being available this way, and for doing it so joyfully. Anyway, I then "scripted" my day, writing out the way I'd like it to go. And then I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to get done.

I knew before I started that there would be more things on the list than I could get done in one day, but I didn't know how many of them would feel like top priorities. At least by having them all on one (completely filled) piece of paper I could wrap my head around each item and start making choices.

One of my objectives was to clean off the top of my dresser because I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. I'm not sure this was the best idea; the dresser somehow turned into the dresser plus the night table, and I cannot believe how much stuff fit on this two relatively small surfaces! I tossed some stuff, put some back where it belonged, and found two needle-nose pliers to fix a bunch of necklaces the baby broke during his "yanking" phase. But the job's not done--there are still things spread across my bed that have no real home to go to. I know that's why they ended up on these other surfaces to begin with, but I simply didn't have time to get it all done today.

I won't be disheartened by this. I will put it all together in an orderly fashion and address it again tomorrow or the next day or as soon as possible. There's nothing urgent in the pile, it's just stuff that needs to be dealt with or housed somewhere. (I keep having to repeat this to myself, because my heart sinks every time I look at it.) It's not personal, it's just stuff.

What I'd really love is to suddenly be released from my attachment and fears around stuff. I don't want to be afraid that I might need it someday (whatever "it" is), anxious because I spent money on it and never got enough use out of it, frustrated because I'm supposed to do something with it (return it, look into it, refer back to it, put it in a scrapbook, save it, give it to someone, use it to grow my business or to make my life and the lives of the people around me better in some unique and miraculous way) and haven't or don't want to or don't have the time to think about it.

What would it be like if I just tossed it all? Would my life fall apart? Would I berate myself and never forgive myself for dumping the one thing that would make a difference? I need to go back and read The Quiltmaker's Gift again. The answer never lies in a thing. It's more likely to be found in what I was talking about yesterday, in being able to enjoy life and actually be present for it. Not have your mind whirring and planning and living three miles ahead of you.

Maybe another new habit could be to give something away every day. That would be interesting. I might try that.

In the meantime, my chair was clear last night for the first time since we came home from the trip last Tuesday, and it felt GREAT! It really does make a difference. It feels good when you see the results of what you've been working on. I will keep going, and the change will settle into me, and before you know it I'll turn around and realize that my status quo is great.

Day 21

I'm cured! Just kidding. This 21-day milestone has been interesting, though.

Yesterday's clothes got put away last night, and today I set aside time to get the weekend-buildup taken care of. I gave myself an hour, but it took closer to an hour and a half. This was partly due to my also doing laundry, and to the fact that I cut my hand on my bed (?!?!) when I was shoving a bag under it. I had to take time out to deal with the cut, which was surprisingly bloody, and then I had to watch some Antiques Roadshow with my husband.

But anyway, it was all pretty straightforward and I know I have to just build in the time for the extras, like unpacking after a trip, folding and putting things away after laundry (and cleaning and dressing my wounds after storing luggage). But the really interesting thing was my thought process today.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day, just perfect weather--sunny, cool, breezy--and I was taking the baby to my mom's so she could watch him for the day. We stopped in a little playground where another couple was playing with their little boy. They were talking about the fact that they'd had all these ambitious plans for the day, but ended up in their regular playground right near their apartment, and that was going to be it. And they were perfectly fine with it.

They then mentioned that some friends of theirs were spending the day purging old files and organizing, and while I know how important these things are, and that a holiday weekend is a great time to take care of them, it made me a little sad. Here it was, SO nice out, and they were cooped up inside going through paper.

And then it hit me: I don't want to spend my life cleaning up. Don't get me wrong--I know there will always be things to take care of, and I'm completely still on board with my new-habits project, but I realized just how much of my time and energy and mind-space are consumed by cleaning and organizing. It's like I'm always on, there's always something that needs to get done, I'm never finished. And that means I can never just BE, I can never be present and relaxed like this couple seemed to be, I always have the list of things to get to so my mind's whirring in the background instead of resting.

It's not really just the organizing; it's also running a business, being part of a family, being part of different communities, and all the other things I take on. I need more time-outs. And I'm pretty sure the only way to get them is to eliminate. Choose the things I want most in my life, and eighty-six the rest, or at least put them on the back burner. And this includes stuff. With less stuff, there will be less to dig through, clean up, put away, and worry about. I've known this for a while, but it hit me again today and maybe this will make it easier to release the stuff and embrace my life.

Day 20!

20 days seems like a long time! That's pretty exciting. In theory, by tomorrow my new habit should be firmly entrenched. I have a feeling I'm not quite there yet.

This is definitely still a conscious act, every day. And I'm still facing off against this wall of clothes from our trip--I can't seem to find the time to get them all put away.

I battle in my mind between understanding why it's not done yet and rattling off excuses but also believing the excuses are legitimate. Does that make sense?

For example, yesterday I started the job but didn't have time to finish it. Every moment was filled with other things that were also important--work, baby, food, relaxing (yes, that counts as important). ...I just deleted a whole sentence about today's story (which was very similar to yesterday's story) because I thought--who cares? If I did the best I could, then accept it and move on. There's no point in mulling it over and whining about it if I actually believe I made the right choices.

If there's something to learn from the experience, go ahead and learn it; otherwise, move on, there's nothing to be upset about.

So what I think I have to learn, yet again, is that things take time and I don't have time to do all of them myself. I can choose to have someone else watch the baby tomorrow and spend time at home cleaning up. And I can eliminate something else so I can spend time later in the day playing. I work with clients to help them see that they're making choices all the time and those choices bring them the results they have in their lives. I strongly encourage them to see that owning these choices is empowering.

When you own your choices, behaviors, decisions then you have the power to change them if you want to. (Ha ha on you, Victim Voice!) And that's the point of the whole habit-shifting exercise.

So I'll keep working on the every day clothes (yesterday they did get put away), and my next extra step will be to make it easy for myself to put away the trip stuff and the laundry simply by giving myself the free time to do it. The bottom line is that's all it takes, some time to just get it done, and choosing to prioritize it over the other million things I could be doing. I see how it affects me, and that it's worth it to get it done as soon as possible. I'm working on it.

Day 19

Super-fast post:

1. I'm psyched that my time management improved enough today that (a) dinner's in the oven and will actually be ready on time, and (b) I didn't run out of time to blog.
2. A big help was having our little mother's helper come over (so cute! She's a 7th grader who wants to learn how to babysit!!) to could play with the baby so I could get stuff done. I still forget how hard it is to do ANYTHING with a little guy climbing everywhere, emptying everything, and pleading to sit on your lap while you're typing.
3. I decided not to risk going into the baby's room last night to put my clothes away, so I put away everything I could in my room and hung a couple of things on my chair. The good news is that it wasn't that noticeable. The bad news is that it wasn't that noticeable only because the chair was piled high with our clothes from the trip.
4. I'm working on getting the trip clothes away. (Critical Parent: You are pathetic!!! Why can't you just put the clothes away?!?! Everybody else just comes home and unpacks!) (Adult Voice: That is so not true. You need to set aside time to do it, and you need to be able to focus on it so you can get it done. You didn't have much time for that today.) (Nurturing Parent: And you took care of yourself today by getting your mother's helper to help--and you did laundry as soon as she got here! It really does make a difference; stop being so hard on yourself.) (CP: But there are tons of people who do this without any help whatsoever!) (NP: OK, and there are tons of people who don't. So what? Let's just focus on what works best for Jen and not worry about what anyone else is doing.)
5. I also started a cleanse two and a half days ago, and it is wiping me out. I think it's a good thing though, as if it suddenly became time to clean out every corner of my life and nourish myself so I can see what grows.
   

Day 18

I'll tell you, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and scared right now. I'm worried that what I'm doing isn't anywhere near enough to make a difference in my home or in my life.

I think this is part of where it's coming from: When the only thing I was paying attention to was putting my clothing away each day, I could really see a difference. My chair was clear, my space was clear, and I really felt like I was accomplishing something and creating a shift that would have far-reaching consequences. But since we came back from the trip, everything seems to have exploded, and putting away one outfit doesn't seem to make a dent at all. I can't see any difference all of a sudden because there's so much else to look at.

Last night was particularly difficult for me because for the first time in 18 days I went to sleep with clothing on my chair. It actually hurt me to see it there.

I did put yesterday's clothes away, but the clothes I'd "unpacked" onto my bed got moved to the chair, and I simply didn't have the energy to put them all away. I put some away, and just accepted that the rest would live on the chair "for now." But I can feel the energy sinking me everywhere I look.

SO. Here are my thoughts:

1. Keep up the habit I'm working on shifting because I actually believe that it really will make an important difference in maintaining a clear space and helping me become and feel responsible.
2. It's time to start thinking about additional pieces of the puzzle, such as things life throws at you that have to be addressed, above and beyond your regular, everyday tasks. Just like you're supposed to have emergency money stashed away for the unexpected things that inevitably come up, you should have emergency time stashed away somehow to accommodate the unexpected or irregular to-dos that need to get done.
3. I'd like to give myself time to address some of the bigger backlog AND I'd like to give myself a break--relax, rest, have a time out. I need some rejuvenation. I know that sounds funny since I just came back from a long weekend away, but the truth is there isn't that much rest involved when you're traveling with a toddler, and I'd really just love to sleep.
4. And be nice to myself. It may not look like much sometimes, but I actually think this is something big that I'm doing, and my Saboteur (yes, another sub-self) might be trying to drag me down with old patterns and reactions. Nay, I say! I will not go down! I will bend to fit the challenge and we will all come out ahead in the end.

Well that feels better. My last choice for this evening is whether I risk going int the baby's room to put my clothes away since he just went back to sleep after waking up so sadly about fifteen minutes ago. I may hold my clothes in here and put them away in the morning. I'm just going to roll with it and do what feels right...

Day 17

Well, I didn't keep my commitment to unpack everything today (although technically I did unpack, in that I emptied my suitcase out onto the bed). And it's not going to happen before I go to sleep.

Luckily I spoke to Paula today (coach of the sub-selves), and we discussed the importance of being flexible, as well as the importance of self-validation as you learn to quiet the critical voices and boost the nurturing ones. So: I DID get all my regular clothes put away last night, so that was a success; I powered through a ton of work today, and chose to prioritize that over unpacking; I got awesome baby presents for my cousin's new baby, which was also a priority since the bris is tomorrow; and I did my best to offer my husband loving support when he wasn't feeling so great today.

I also ran smack up against another of my organizing issues (paper. Uggh!) and started to spiral down into panic and self-cursing-out as I frantically searched for the one thing I needed, which, of course, I'd been able to locate up until the exact moment I needed it. I took a few deep breaths, accepted that this sucked but I'd move on and figure out how to do things differently soon, and I didn't completely fall apart, which is really great progress for me!

It reminded me of a time when I helped a friend with her time management. She had a lot going on in her life, including running her own business and going through a long and difficult on-and-off breakup. She needed to focus on growing her business and serving her clients, but so much of her energy was being sapped by this relationship. We talked about how she might do things differently, and set up a schedule that included time for all of the things that were important to her, including crying.

She called me a few days after we spoke and was just gleeful! She'd had a really rough morning and broke down in tears when suddenly she looked at her schedule and panicked: "Oh no--now isn't time for crying, now is time for work!" And she abruptly stopped crying and got to work.

I LOVED this story! When I experience moments like that, where I step out of my emotions, gain some perspective, and then make a rational decision, I'm so happy (and clear and productive)! That's what this whole process is about, actually. I figured that I could take the emotion out of putting my clothes away (stop with the excuses and the "I'm too tired, I'm too busy, I do enough already," and the "I'm so bad and I'm so pathetic that I can't get this done so I might as well not even bother") and just put my clothes away.

With the emotions the whole process requires a lot of energy, what with all the blame and fighting and feeling bad, so there's none left to actually clean up. Without the emotional component, all I need is enough energy to fold, hang and toss my clothes, which really isn't that much energy at all. And I'm remembering that that's how it works a lot more quickly now (good Adult Voice!), which saves time too.

Day 16

I feel really blessed. For so many reasons, but today especially because of my friends and family. They're just pretty awesome. And as I start to gain distance from the perceptions I've had of myself and others for so long, I start to see them differently. Less judgmentally, more compassionately.

Choosing to shift a behavior I've held for as long as I can remember, something I thought I could never change, seems to be shaking loose some other ways of being that appeared to be set in stone. My "Adult Voice" (you know, the rational, objective one) is pointing out new perspectives to me more frequently, and I'm reacting less quickly and less emotionally than I used to.

I'm also taking things less personally. Maybe because I'm realizing how caught up in my own story I've been, I can see people in their stories. I don't have to repeat mine, and I don't have to absorb theirs. It's so liberating--and there's so much energy released that I can now focus on things that are actually interesting and/or important!

So the shift continues. Last night, I put my clothes away. Now we're home again, and I'll tell you the truth, I just want to fall right into bed. I could SO easily dump my clothes on the chair and say I'll deal with them tomorrow. I could rationalize it in no time flat--I'm wiped out from taking three trains to get home and schlepping many more bags than we had people (I'm laughing right now because the spell-check actually corrected the way I spelled "shlepping") and I can pretend that I'll have much more time to do it tomorrow and would therefore do a better job if I left the clothes out overnight so I'm really doing myself a disservice by putting them away tonight...

Can you believe how easy it is to tell myself something I KNOW is so not true?!?

So my intention is to head downstairs and put the clothes I'm wearing away in under five minutes, and stick to my commitment and wake up in a clear room. I can unpack tomorrow; in fact, I'll commit to unpacking tomorrow as my new weekly additional challenge. I'll let you know how it goes.