Day 44

I'm laughing because I just looked back at the post from two days ago, which I started by reaffirming my commitment to posting every day, even if it was just a tiny post, because I know how important it is to show up. (If you haven't noticed, that post appeared directly before the one you're reading right now; I didn't manage to post anything yesterday.)

Something interesting happened. Yesterday was a long day, it was Yom Kippur, and we came home late from a break-fast, trying to calm our crying baby. I was in no mood to blog, and I hadn't put my clothes away in two days. So I decided to keep letting myself slide.

I decided to let myself not blog, and not put away my clothes, and just accept that that's how it was going to be for now. I didn't know what that meant for my new-habit process, I didn't know how long it would last, but I just said, OK. And the weirdest thing happened: I immediately starting hanging up my clothes.

I can't explain it. It's like there was no pressure, there were no expectations, no demands. I just did it automatically. It made sense, it wasn't that hard, and there were no emotions (other than surprise) attached to it.

I put away all the clothes I wore yesterday, plus clothing from the previous two days, plus some clean laundry. I don't know if letting myself just "be" was exactly what I needed to do; I don't know what this says about commitment or habits or the importance of pushing myself. I imagine that real-life success is a combination of all of these things, plus the recognition that everything change from day to day.

So I'll keep remembering to be flexible, to trust myself, and know that I really can take care of it whenever I'm ready to.