Day 28

Wow, just two more days. I feel good about this habit, and recognize that in addition my my next habit I also want to try shifting another less-frequently used behavior: Traveling easily.

We're going away this weekend (across town) and then away in two weeks (across the country) (not really, but to Chicago, to visit Natalie) (yay!) and I'd LOVE to have the packing done early, easily, completely and lightly so that we can walk out the door, in both directions, on time and without stress. I'm actually getting excited about this! (It's ok, you can say, "Nerd!")

About 10 years ago I traveled to Israel for two weeks with just my carry on bag, and I was fine! I was just talking to Natalie about this, baffled by how much more stuff I pack now, and trying to figure out why. Here are a few of my theories:

1. It was summer, so my clothes were less bulky. (This makes sense on the surface, but since then I've traveled elsewhere in the summer and even just for a weekend I bring a bag twice as big.)
2. I had just completed an insane diet (evil Diet Center diet, to which I would soon lose my gall bladder in emergency surgery), and I had lost 30 pounds so all my clothes were much smaller. (Really? Could they have been that much smaller?)
   
3. I didn't care at all about wearing the same few things over and over again. Maybe I just liked everything I owned so much better? Or felt cute in it because I felt so little?
   
4. I knew I could do laundry.

I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it--about where my current panic comes from about not having what I need, about being too hot or too cold, about owning the exactly perfect outfit for an occasion but knowing it's sitting useless in my closet and may never have the opportunity to be worn this perfectly again.

It's starting to sound like my objection of not wanting to get rid of anything in case I might need it someday. It also reminds me of the belief that there is a right answer out there, a perfect solution, and that everything would be better and feel better if only all the external elements were in place. As if I could have control over it.

Well, that's a lot of pressure. It's also a great excuse for why things might not be "perfect." They could be perfect if only... Maybe I was just really happy at that time, and the clothes just didn't matter, I knew I would be fine.

I think this is another one of those things I'm going to have to jump into with both feet. Plan it out, create guidelines, do the best I can, and trust that it will all work out. Let it go, expand my vision, keep things in perspective, relax, and let it all unfold easily.