Day 17

Well, I didn't keep my commitment to unpack everything today (although technically I did unpack, in that I emptied my suitcase out onto the bed). And it's not going to happen before I go to sleep.

Luckily I spoke to Paula today (coach of the sub-selves), and we discussed the importance of being flexible, as well as the importance of self-validation as you learn to quiet the critical voices and boost the nurturing ones. So: I DID get all my regular clothes put away last night, so that was a success; I powered through a ton of work today, and chose to prioritize that over unpacking; I got awesome baby presents for my cousin's new baby, which was also a priority since the bris is tomorrow; and I did my best to offer my husband loving support when he wasn't feeling so great today.

I also ran smack up against another of my organizing issues (paper. Uggh!) and started to spiral down into panic and self-cursing-out as I frantically searched for the one thing I needed, which, of course, I'd been able to locate up until the exact moment I needed it. I took a few deep breaths, accepted that this sucked but I'd move on and figure out how to do things differently soon, and I didn't completely fall apart, which is really great progress for me!

It reminded me of a time when I helped a friend with her time management. She had a lot going on in her life, including running her own business and going through a long and difficult on-and-off breakup. She needed to focus on growing her business and serving her clients, but so much of her energy was being sapped by this relationship. We talked about how she might do things differently, and set up a schedule that included time for all of the things that were important to her, including crying.

She called me a few days after we spoke and was just gleeful! She'd had a really rough morning and broke down in tears when suddenly she looked at her schedule and panicked: "Oh no--now isn't time for crying, now is time for work!" And she abruptly stopped crying and got to work.

I LOVED this story! When I experience moments like that, where I step out of my emotions, gain some perspective, and then make a rational decision, I'm so happy (and clear and productive)! That's what this whole process is about, actually. I figured that I could take the emotion out of putting my clothes away (stop with the excuses and the "I'm too tired, I'm too busy, I do enough already," and the "I'm so bad and I'm so pathetic that I can't get this done so I might as well not even bother") and just put my clothes away.

With the emotions the whole process requires a lot of energy, what with all the blame and fighting and feeling bad, so there's none left to actually clean up. Without the emotional component, all I need is enough energy to fold, hang and toss my clothes, which really isn't that much energy at all. And I'm remembering that that's how it works a lot more quickly now (good Adult Voice!), which saves time too.