Day 29(!)

Man, it's late. SO, quickly, I got everything away yesterday except my shoes, which I forgot upstairs, and just decided to leave there. It turned out to be a fortunate move, since my husband called me this morning from outside to help him with the packages and stroller, and I was able to just put them on instead of running downstairs to get shoes.

I promise I won't let that become an excuse to always leave my shoes upstairs, but it did occur to me that I should actually just keep my Crocs upstairs, since I'm always running out for last-minute things and all I usually have upstairs are rain boots. They'll do in a pinch, but they look pretty dumb with my pajamas. Come to think of it, I should probably leave a change of clothes upstairs too.

On another note, more and more signs are pointing me toward this path: Let go of expectations and expand your field of vision. Think long-term and think fluidly. Don't focus on the results you want to see today from the actions you took yesterday; just take actions that feel right, take tiny steps, and don't worry about getting somewhere--just go.

I see how quickly I get derailed when I become immediate-results oriented. I was doing an 11-day cleanse and took body measurements, per the cleanse directions. I could actually feel my clothes fitting better, and was feeling great, but when I took my measurements again and there was little or no change, I was crushed. I felt almost betrayed by the cleanse and all the people who'd gotten great results from it.

Now, mind you, I only waited about three days between measurements, and only took the first set three days into the cleanse instead of at the beginning. So I was dealing with insufficient data (my husband will love that I just used that phrase), and unintentionally (or subconsciously) setting myself up to be disappointed. I made it through the cleanse resentfully, and then took some time to clear my thoughts.

My cleanse coach, Denise, basically told me to let go. She said I'd start getting the results I wanted at the exact moment I stopped trying to get them. It seems that if I can stop fixating on "results" and simply make healthy choices a normal part of my life, then there's no abrupt change, just a shift in how I'm being, which happens to have some side benefits.

It's what I've been seeing with the clothes. When I start treating myself, my space, my belongings and my time with respect, I feel good. The other things that flow from those actions/ways of being are nice, but, I think, beside the point; the real gifts are the integrity I feel and the things that open up before me as I learn to see and feel more clearly.